Use relationships to guide you how to be whole within.
"Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness."
See your partner for who he or she really is.
"The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve."
Be willing to learn from each other.
"The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself."
Get comfortable being alone.
"In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole."
Look closely at why a fight may begin.
"Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less."
Own who you are.
"We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for."
"The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.
After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. "
Expand your heart.
"To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. Practice acceptance and appreciation. In his book, “How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving”, David Richo explains that two of the keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation.
One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. "
Focus on giving love.
"The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply. Keep the 3:1 ratio. Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other.
Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others."
Let go of expectations.
"If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering."